Strength of a Woman

Hi....

Today, I feel like I need to talk to my fellow ladies out there.
I'm starting a new series here on my blog called the Girl Power Chronicles, blogs every 2 weeks about themes such as independence, career choices, insecurities, and some helpful sites or seminars about feeling your best as a woman today. Right now, we are starting with discovering our independent spirit.

My girls who are going to college and find themselves stuck or who are unsure what to do next in their life, being blocked by boundaries, whether it be emotional, physical, or even parental, these things should not be ignored.

At this point, I want to just be real. I am now 24, and I still live with my parents. I am still struggling to find a fulfilling career, I still get depressed, and the most embarrassing of all, my parents control where I go, and when I have to be home. Yes, I'm well over the age limit, and I have a curfew?!

what?!

Honey go ahead and LOL, okay, I don't mind. What makes me feel so blessed is I have friends who understand, thank God. But it burns a whole in my happiness when I have a Cinderella hour I need to be home by.

So for those out there that have this control factor in your life, I totally feel your struggle. I sadly was not brought up to demand anything, such as money, freedom, etc because of my culture, ands its social/behavior rules, demanding things for yourself can come across as rude, outright disrespectful, and totally selfish. In being surrounded by this 'social rule' I never learned to stand on my own 2 feet and have the initiative to get what I deserved, as I became a woman.

I was afraid to make my parents angry and disappointed that I tried to avoid confrontation at all costs. So as time kept going by, my freedom and the things I wanted to do continued to be limited, and I found myself really unhappy. I was wondering what was the reason I was so sad for period of time last yr, it was because I truly was not living my life, I was living behind the fence of rules, curfews, limitations, that I let myself be barricaded by.

Why are our parents controlling? All I can verify from speaking to my own parents is, "1. You have all the time in the world to have fun, you must do something with your life. 2. You are a girl, it is not right for a girl to be out all night."

Okay, the first point was a stinger right? But the second, that just outright BLOWS MY MIND!Ladies, I raise my bunched up fist with a "Hell no!" to that statement. Just because we are women, who are more emotional, yes, a lot more vulnerable, but we are SMART, smart enough to know when a guy or anyone takes a situation too far, know the feeling when BS might be going on behind the scenes, and we definitely know how to take care of ourselves, for the exception of when we truly need it.

Women of the 21st Century, we know what's going on, and we do what it takes to make our lives better. It makes me so angry to hear that statement of "you are a girl" as a validation for not doing certain things. It is exactly the opposite.We should be doing things, going to school, getting that job, partying all night because WE CAN. My fellow females out there who are struggling to be strong against authority, it is hard to deal with it at the present, but I want you to know that if you don't do something, nothing might never change.

I'm learning this myself, being realistic, and even though I cannot move out right now to allow myself to have more freedom, I think the best that you and I can do is working with our means while bettering ourselves and our lives. Like, changing our routine, getting healthier, making wiser decisions, and I'm sure if we are patient and we are moving forward, our FREEDOM and happiness should most definitely grow.

Are you facing the same thing? How has your experience in finding independence changed you for the better? Feel free to let me know! We are in this together.



Thank you & See you ladies in August!
 💋 CC





*Disclaimer: I understand some people will disagree with what I mention about parenting strategies, And I  respect your opinion. These blog posts are meant to help those that might have a similar situation, only as a learning tool. My hope is anyone who reads this takes away something positive.

"Still Learning to Love"

      Pentatonix - cover of "Say Something" by Great Big World
http://youtu.be/0dYlvdLdK9w


     I forgot where to start here. It actually feels like I opened the door into a dusty room. Hi there. I have not uttered a sound in a long time.

I was afraid you guys. For the longest time I would write a sentence then just completely erase it. But all I could picture was a look of boredom on your faces. So I waited for the 'right' thing to say, and it never showed up.

Fun fact about me, I am a YouTube fanatic. Maybe not more than others but I have close to 15 playlists in my account alone. Its nothing to brag about but, I loved listening to music on here that I have a playlist I've titled A Writers Heart. I listened to this while I was trying to write for 3-4 writing classes at a time, while in college.

I created it because I needed a musical way out of my analytical brain. I'm a girl go figure, but being a English major and analyzing symbols to the tiniest grain of importance, was a constant battle to just...write. TYPE SOMETHING!!

But this evening I've learned something, and I shouldn't feel guilty for learning it a thousandth time.
C'est la Vie. la vie continue.

That's life. Life goes on.

In the past 2 years I shouldn't be afraid to admit I was depressed. I shouldn't be afraid to state that 5 out of the 7 days I woke up without feeling like I had a purpose. I should be damn proud that I still have an ounce of respect for myself that got up today.

Depression, whether officially defined and diagnosed, or was a reason for tons of soaked tissues alone, the pain is a burden only the actual person knows.

We are all seekers, analytics, but we must be gentle when taking our heart apart. In looking at all the reasons for this or for that, just let life go on.

Its been the hardest part yet, I can tell you. keeping turning your wheels, no matter how abrasive the screeching is as you move, eventually, you will run. You will be unstoppable.

As we learned yesterday, a woman of grace and courage, Dr. Maya Angelou, who is also a inspiration and hero to me personally has passed. I send my condolences to her friends and family as well as our nation, she will be dearly missed. Rest in peace, may she know that she has made a monumental difference to us all.


 I want to personally thank you for your time and your patience, I'm slowly getting back to the rhythm of writing, and I hope to be posting more in the coming months.



Sincerely, CC

Calling all Valentines

Buenas!

I hope your 2014 is going well, with more adventures, more smiles, and more laughs with those you love. Just happiness all around, even if it is dark and gloomy. I know Valentine's Day is approaching very soon, but before this post is filled with candy hearts and homemade cards, please enjoy the video in the link below.

This is the music video for Paul McCartney's "My Valentine" told in a very eloquent and graceful way.

I hope that in the hours before Feb 14th in the midst of work and the worry of what to get him/her this year, that you find peace in turning to the little things that make you happy to be with that person,
why there love makes your heart a flutter. Perhaps there is a place where part of the definition of love needs no words.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4dzzv81X9w

 

 

 

                                                        Special Edition Post Alert!
 The day after Valentines Day I'll share what I did this year, so stay tuned!



Til then, good luck love.

CC.  

Happy Dance December

                         December Dears, Christmas is almost here..

           If I could give anyone a reason to be happy right here right now.

                                                    Click This.

                                              "Happy" by Pharell ~ Courtesy of YouTube


Dance. Clap. Don't hold it back. Honestly, and I am being completely honest, I have been un, un-happy for this entire year, and have done almost everything to get some "happy" back, to truly smile again. This just took me and gave me a twirl and I was instantly sucked in. If you are currently facing a icky, grumpy situation, I feel ya, so what can we do about it right now?

Be Ourselves, our true, un-perfect selves. There are so many rules, restrictions out there that we have to hide our sillyness when truly, we are happy with it. We are happy to just let go. Yes, manners matter. Respect is a must today. Seems happiness is at the bottom of our To-Do Lists. As a woman reflecting on my past there have been too many times where I was the wall-flower. I let the butterflies ruin what could have been a fantastic night just because I thought people will think I'm weird with my clumsiness and sometimes wrong timing with the beat.

What happens when I hear this song? Honey, make some room because I'm busting my moves. Snapping, shaking my head...I'm a dancing queen and I'm happy. I'm alive.

Can you imagine if for one moment in the day the entire world can be this happy? I think if we can still accomplish the impossible everyday, it can become a reality for everyone on this planet. Snap your fingers, let your grandma or grandpa listen, dance, be silly, have fun. My grandpa loves "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke, no joke!  ^_^

Have a Happy song? Let me know! Perhaps we can all together create the
Happiest Playlist of 2013, will feature them on my next blog!

                    
                             Wishing endless Thanks and Happiness
                        to you and your family this Holiday Season!
                                                  Feliz Navidad!


                                         Love from Guam ~ CC

Soul Searching Worldwide

                                        Picture Courtesy of www.quotesnsmiles.com

I've always wanted to know what Wanderlust meant, and I totally

get the "wander" part...lust is something I wink at. 

haha. ;)

Lately, I've just had this insatiable hunger to travel.

This is interesting because I have travelled, but I've felt those trips were short-lived, not as enjoyable, and most of all, it lacked freedom. I was always with family, but even the one trip I took alone when I was 16 to Washington D.C was a wreck, I was different, and it proved just how many people could care less where I came from.

Fast-forward...I then got asked a question just this past June from a cousin of mine, visiting Guam from the US with her family.

"Do you ever get Island Fever?" 

"hmm? Island Fever? Well, I guess..." 

So I went on explaining that I knew what she meant. Living on Guam, do I ever go crazy just living on a island surrounded by water, knowing there is an end point and thats it. That it has been all I have ever known, because I have lived here all my life, and would I want something more?

I was honest, and yes, there is a point of tolerance and acceptance for living here. But here is where I am so grateful for my college education. You see, it is not so easy to explain. Being a native of Guam, a Guamanian, Ethnicity: Chamoru, there are so many things attached, than just stating "I live here."

Culture, western influence, dealing with my own family dynamic in relation to my own cultural practices, expectations and obligations, it is a lot to wrap my mind around when I talk about freedom and being an individual. I live it everyday, as do you in your home country. 

So do I ever go crazy? Sure. There are things Guam doesn't have, and a big part of my family lives in the US. I wish I could see them all the time. There are still places I would love to visit and revisit. Its just carrying the weight of thinking about my family, culture, society, plays a role in whats possible, and maybe its perhaps my thinking, but wanting to be free and spontaneous is not silly. 

Spontaneity is something I just have not been able to do. I want to go off alone. It makes me think did I jump into working too quickly? I feel like I missed something. Its thanks to a chance meeting, that made it clear. I was flying to California, I just graduated, and I sat in an aisle seat with 4 other people. The woman next to me was blonde, fair-skinned with a cheerful smile (forgot her name, shucks). We talked a bit on the flight, but not on a full conversation. It was not til we were in a line for customs when we arrived in Hawaii where I was just awestruck. All she had was a large rucksack. "Yeah, I've just been traveling for the last 4 months through India, Southeast Asia, China, and lastly I ended up in the Philippines. I never heard of Guam til I landed to get on our flight." I remarked with a "Wow." No worries, if Guam is still a mystery for you, that's why you should pay a visit ;) Anyway, turns out she just graduated college in February or May, and since been backpacking around the world. Because I just graduated too, I never met a backpacker, and its a moment I will not forget. At the time, it was December, almost Christmas, and she was heading back to Canada to see her family. She told me there were times where she got very sick, she had to go to the hospital a few times, and her mom begged her to come back home, to stop her journey. But she made it through with a vault full of memories and a passport full of stamps.

We parted ways, and I headed to my gate for San Francisco. I just thought, thinking back at what we talked about, and I just admired her bravery. Going out to unknown countries alone, and surviving with what she had. People do this. Strap on a backpack and really see the world. I've always wanted that kind of adventure, and now that I am in my 20's its not just wish but a need. A need to see the world according to me. Not to what and where someone else wants to go, but what I choose to find, try, experience. Total freedom. 

So I want this, and I want this soon. I'm looking into it. I've spent so much time in a current period of misery, that I feel like I lost my spark. Maybe it is because I've just lived in one place, and now my intuition is pushing me to explore. That my cousins' question or this friend I was able to make on my travels is trying to tell me something that my soul is screaming to become clear. That it is in travel that we become more aware of the world, it opens our eyes to see that there is more than what we already know.  I guess it looks like I need another place to grow the understanding of my existence...any suggestions?

<3 and Peace from Guam,

Happy Travels!

CC 

Pondering Purpose

Good (evening, morning, afternoon) friends!

Summer is over and now September is halfway through, how time flies...

I have been having this nagging question bother me for the past month its,

What is my true purpose in life? What am I meant to be doing?

this worries me, because time does not wait for any one. But I just don't know the answer. Na-da. So because I have no answer I began blaming the past that made me have regrets that now have led to indecision. Such as, I should have asked more questions, I should have been more proactive, I should have done more research, I...blah blah blah tried to be more crazy.

The 2 questions evidently led to more questions, enough to feel like I will be insane for awhile just thinking about it. Excuse me for this but, shit! It is a big enough question, and why can I not give myself an answer. Ever feel that way? You want an answer, and in promising to yourself that its only for your best interest because (heck, its your life) it is important. It is about destiny.

But we don't know the freakin future! Insert scream here. Can we do anything about our purpose? Is it possible to shape our destiny? It should be possible. It should be simple in some ways, like when I was 10 did I really think I'd be a writer? Nope.

Its interesting if we all share the idea that we can plan or just be in limbo about what we want to be in life. I know, I already mentioned Broadway last month, but did I mention if I could go back, I'd love to have taken my ballet talents further beyond my 6 year old self? I definitely would. I look back and I remember how good I was, how nothing really mattered other than what I could bring to the stage.

But life is more than the "shoulds" we feel entitled to receive and live with. It is the 'more' that creates ideas within us to go beyond what our limitations. That is what I learned this very early morning. That right now I do not know what my purpose is in life, and it scares the hell out of me, but I have to remember in order to find my destiny I must believe I can accomplish more, that I am no longer who I was 4 or 10 years ago, I am just me, 23 in the present. Also to make sure I speak up. It has been really hard to do that coming from being shy and ill-deserving of notice, but it is now time.Time may not wait for any one, but it is there to remind us all that our destiny is to live a life self-approved.

Keep moving forward <3

CC

Broadway Dreamz

Hi-ya!

Okay, first things first, I got a question for you.

You got 6 seconds....

What would be your dream job if you could do anything, like if money didn't matter?

A bff of mine asked my other bff and I this question while we were hanging out, and I could not help but pause and just really think about it. I mean it was supposed to be a quick, frills included, idea, so I gave my answer. I would like to be a actress. If I didn't care about money, pressure to be completely stable, and willing to free-fall into a fantasy, yes, I'd do it.

So I chose acting, aside from what I can do. But I thought about it more, and realized one job I would love to go to work, do crazy things, and be willing to just go for it, is the theater. I would love to work in Theater. Broadway, all the dancing, music, the whole intricate kaleidoscope of expression. Sign me up now!

Haha. In my undergrad, I actually took theater. I was just 18, and in my second semester. I didn't even know my major then. So the class was nothing I expected to be, but I am so grateful for it. You see, I was deathly afraid of embarrassment. I hated public speaking, and the first day we had to introduce ourselves...on the stage..in front of everyone, including to people who just wanted to pop in, people who were apparently cool with the instructor. Yeah, whatever. Anyway, I flopped, the thing I was supposed to say that was interesting about me...was not interesting enough. Cliche, but I heard freakin crickets. Yeah, Christina you were not as funny as you thought. :/

and the heart-pumping flops just kept coming.One acting exercise, I didn't follow directions, and that led me to acting like I was giving birth. Goodness gracious. Hide me now. However the class gave me a few skills that I would not have tried if I didn't have the guts to take it. Firstly, I got to help make a set, using hammers, drills,a buzz saw. I felt so handy, I don't normally use them on a daily basis. Also, my most memorable moment, our class project. It was our final, we had to write and construct a original play, that had to include everyone, use stage directions, and oh, had to be only 10 minutes, from beginning to end.

Crazy thing, my group and I were the quietest people in our class, with the exception of, lets call her, Sady, who was spontaneous, loud and the life of our group. Sady and I co-wrote the play (which shall remain nameless, because it slipped my mind, sorry.) I couldn't believe it, I changed the script til the last 2 weeks, we were not able to rehearse as much, but we were able to pull it off. So much so, we got a 8/10. That's phenomenal, cause my instructor knew theater like the back of his hand, and was not afraid to state the mishaps.

Overall by the end, the embarrassments still stung, but I had an extraordinary time. It was such a rush.
I went on, became an English Major, got my Literature degree, its done. But, I feel this strange energy, this surge of excitement as I think about the possibility of doing Broadway. 

Sigh...if only.

When you answered, were you happy? giggly? excited? Be honest. I sincerely hope you were. Cause the most prominent emotion as I stated my answer to myself was joy. I was happy, and that is what I want more than anything as I work in my career. To have joy just overwhelm your heart, ladies and gents, its as Louis Armstrong famously sings "life would be La Vie En Rose..."

and most of all, life would feel very cozy, in keeping a glimmer of hope still within you to find what truly makes you happy in your career and in your life. To answer the questions of our lives, just be real, and answer honestly. No matter how weird or outrageous. Trust yourself.

Its a crazy blessing that we have the power to move our lives forward, so perhaps, Broadway, NASA, Comi-Con, are just within our reach...

*I would love to hear your answers to this question, feel free to leave a comment! *

Sending high-fives and smiles,

CC