Pondering Purpose

Good (evening, morning, afternoon) friends!

Summer is over and now September is halfway through, how time flies...

I have been having this nagging question bother me for the past month its,

What is my true purpose in life? What am I meant to be doing?

this worries me, because time does not wait for any one. But I just don't know the answer. Na-da. So because I have no answer I began blaming the past that made me have regrets that now have led to indecision. Such as, I should have asked more questions, I should have been more proactive, I should have done more research, I...blah blah blah tried to be more crazy.

The 2 questions evidently led to more questions, enough to feel like I will be insane for awhile just thinking about it. Excuse me for this but, shit! It is a big enough question, and why can I not give myself an answer. Ever feel that way? You want an answer, and in promising to yourself that its only for your best interest because (heck, its your life) it is important. It is about destiny.

But we don't know the freakin future! Insert scream here. Can we do anything about our purpose? Is it possible to shape our destiny? It should be possible. It should be simple in some ways, like when I was 10 did I really think I'd be a writer? Nope.

Its interesting if we all share the idea that we can plan or just be in limbo about what we want to be in life. I know, I already mentioned Broadway last month, but did I mention if I could go back, I'd love to have taken my ballet talents further beyond my 6 year old self? I definitely would. I look back and I remember how good I was, how nothing really mattered other than what I could bring to the stage.

But life is more than the "shoulds" we feel entitled to receive and live with. It is the 'more' that creates ideas within us to go beyond what our limitations. That is what I learned this very early morning. That right now I do not know what my purpose is in life, and it scares the hell out of me, but I have to remember in order to find my destiny I must believe I can accomplish more, that I am no longer who I was 4 or 10 years ago, I am just me, 23 in the present. Also to make sure I speak up. It has been really hard to do that coming from being shy and ill-deserving of notice, but it is now time.Time may not wait for any one, but it is there to remind us all that our destiny is to live a life self-approved.

Keep moving forward <3

CC