I've always wanted to know what Wanderlust meant, and I totally
get the "wander" part...lust is something I wink at.
haha. ;)
Lately, I've just had this insatiable hunger to travel.
This is interesting because I have travelled, but I've felt those trips were short-lived, not as enjoyable, and most of all, it lacked freedom. I was always with family, but even the one trip I took alone when I was 16 to Washington D.C was a wreck, I was different, and it proved just how many people could care less where I came from.
Fast-forward...I then got asked a question just this past June from a cousin of mine, visiting Guam from the US with her family.
"Do you ever get Island Fever?"
"hmm? Island Fever? Well, I guess..."
So I went on explaining that I knew what she meant. Living on Guam, do I ever go crazy just living on a island surrounded by water, knowing there is an end point and thats it. That it has been all I have ever known, because I have lived here all my life, and would I want something more?
I was honest, and yes, there is a point of tolerance and acceptance for living here. But here is where I am so grateful for my college education. You see, it is not so easy to explain. Being a native of Guam, a Guamanian, Ethnicity: Chamoru, there are so many things attached, than just stating "I live here."
Culture, western influence, dealing with my own family dynamic in relation to my own cultural practices, expectations and obligations, it is a lot to wrap my mind around when I talk about freedom and being an individual. I live it everyday, as do you in your home country.
So do I ever go crazy? Sure. There are things Guam doesn't have, and a big part of my family lives in the US. I wish I could see them all the time. There are still places I would love to visit and revisit. Its just carrying the weight of thinking about my family, culture, society, plays a role in whats possible, and maybe its perhaps my thinking, but wanting to be free and spontaneous is not silly.
Spontaneity is something I just have not been able to do. I want to go off alone. It makes me think did I jump into working too quickly? I feel like I missed something. Its thanks to a chance meeting, that made it clear. I was flying to California, I just graduated, and I sat in an aisle seat with 4 other people. The woman next to me was blonde, fair-skinned with a cheerful smile (forgot her name, shucks). We talked a bit on the flight, but not on a full conversation. It was not til we were in a line for customs when we arrived in Hawaii where I was just awestruck. All she had was a large rucksack. "Yeah, I've just been traveling for the last 4 months through India, Southeast Asia, China, and lastly I ended up in the Philippines. I never heard of Guam til I landed to get on our flight." I remarked with a "Wow." No worries, if Guam is still a mystery for you, that's why you should pay a visit ;) Anyway, turns out she just graduated college in February or May, and since been backpacking around the world. Because I just graduated too, I never met a backpacker, and its a moment I will not forget. At the time, it was December, almost Christmas, and she was heading back to Canada to see her family. She told me there were times where she got very sick, she had to go to the hospital a few times, and her mom begged her to come back home, to stop her journey. But she made it through with a vault full of memories and a passport full of stamps.
We parted ways, and I headed to my gate for San Francisco. I just thought, thinking back at what we talked about, and I just admired her bravery. Going out to unknown countries alone, and surviving with what she had. People do this. Strap on a backpack and really see the world. I've always wanted that kind of adventure, and now that I am in my 20's its not just wish but a need. A need to see the world according to me. Not to what and where someone else wants to go, but what I choose to find, try, experience. Total freedom.
So I want this, and I want this soon. I'm looking into it. I've spent so much time in a current period of misery, that I feel like I lost my spark. Maybe it is because I've just lived in one place, and now my intuition is pushing me to explore. That my cousins' question or this friend I was able to make on my travels is trying to tell me something that my soul is screaming to become clear. That it is in travel that we become more aware of the world, it opens our eyes to see that there is more than what we already know. I guess it looks like I need another place to grow the understanding of my existence...any suggestions?
<3 and Peace from Guam,
Happy Travels!
CC
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