Let There Be Change

Hello there!

Just thought I'd get a head start since June is approaching very soon..(seriously?!)

Well, I have good news to report. My previous blog is just a moment stuck in what I thought was my life a few weeks ago. The past. Whats awesome is I've been itching to write to you guys, gals, and friendly folk that decided to browse on down to this space.

Alrighty, in being in such a good mood, its time to reveal my dream, my blueprints for figuring out
where I want to go with my life for the next year or so. Yes, finally I'm getting somewhere! Honestly,
these last few months were brutal, so its indescribable to be optimistic again. So, and no, I'm not worried about grammar here. English degree-earner or not, sometimes a girl just has to let loose and speak freely as such. I am happy after a period of refusing to be complacent, I got a phone call, in fact it happened just last week. My impulse/instinct is to reach out and pursue my creativity in another way. Fashion design.

Uh huh. What makes this idea...not crazy, for me at least is, I've thought about this for many years, even while I was studying my undergrad. In the place I am currently in, it seems impossible, downright silly.
Its like, "What? You wanna be on Project Runway now?" I can just hear someone asking me that. Why is it silly? To want a career like that? Because it is not conventional, its not a solid career. I know that.
I've thought and thought and questioned my instinct, my own gut feeling about this.

The thing is friends, while I've been constructing my 5-year plan, my 10-year plan, what a responsible adult should be doing, I cant seem to get past the vision I have to expand my creativity by going to fashion design school. I just cant. I'm not stuck, I'm seeing a part of my desire to better my life, to go beyond what I can see in front of me. While I continue to go about my day to day responsibilities, I know right now I'm not where I am supposed to be. Yes, what matters the most is my family, but in staying where I am intellectually, and physically, I remain stuck. Its hard to move beyond this point because, once again its not the most wisest of choices, but I finally want to move forward with something different.

That's what makes breakthroughs powerful. When you approach a decision that may sound crazy but makes sense to you, and you just go for it, its something I cannot explain, in overpowering your skepticism. I, haha, do not mean that about everything. Come on now.

I'm in my 20's, hell, I just got out of college, but I'm ending this uneasy transition out of what I think I know by going for my dream even though I am unsure if I will even make it. I hope that makes sense, even though I sound outta my mind by not being sure. The point is, moving forward takes a lot of pushing your own ass to take the initiative and take action. It so works. So what I did was, I've been looking into the Art Institutes (my mother thought in receiving a call from this school that I want to go there to study art. Whats wrong with art? but no, not that one.) They had a box to submit your info and they can send you more information about their programs. I decided to do it, I've been looking at the website for more than a week, and interested, why not? I left my email and my number too, but I never expected an answer 2 days afterward.

It was the biggest awakening ever. I wasn't asleep, in fact it was toward the afternoon, and I just got through finished crying because my worries about where my life was going just piled on me that day.
The phone rang, it was an adviser from the Art Institutes. I was still sniffling, but I just had this humungous smile. After chatting about my interest, the fact I'm applying all the way from Guam (not bad at all) just talking about how I feel about the program and what they offer, the adviser was very nice, and told me to expect another call with more info, to even help me explain why the school is the right place for me to grow my interests, to help my parents understand. I owe them a lot.

So, yeah, I am choosing to go back to school. But not to get my Masters. To get an Associates of Science in Fashion. If you want to ask me, "isn't that a reverse? you did just receive your Bachelors, didn't you?" To answer, yes it is. But it does not make it any less of a certification, a verification of skills acquired, a stamp of approval as a professional. I think, now that I have a B.A, having a A.S makes me feel more of a B.Ad A.Ss ;) Just being funny. But seriously, right before I exited my commencement ceremony I turned to my fellow grads and said "Guys, B.A now stands for certified Bad Ass." I think of it positively. Okay.....

Anyway, truthfully, as I wait for that next phone call, I have thought about if this is what I really want.
I've had those second thoughts because I am afraid of failure, and the fact that it involves a lot of money. Then I snap back to why I want to do this, how much my personal ambition means to me, and I want to go for it, even though I will be fighting the whole way with everyone trying to convince me to quit it, or that its stupid. Really, who's life is it anyway? It won't be your mistake if my choice ends up going south, its mine. Even though I cant help but think about the worst of this decision. I will no doubt learn from it, and pick up where I left off and keep on going.

That is a better way of looking at it considering I didn't think there was any "up" from where my life stood. Til the universe or the divine above sent an answer to my prayers. I prayed for something to be done, and boy did I get what I asked for. Faith is.........crazy, difficult to maintain, but is worth every penny. Go get you some faith in yourself, and do something about your dreams, don't just sit there!

Life goes on :)

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